the new term for farting is butt boxing.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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