You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
