I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
