Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
