I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
