come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
