He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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