You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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