The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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