remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
