She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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