I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
need another drink. this is the easiest way
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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