You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
