She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
