I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
