so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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