We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
