Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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