I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
