So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
