It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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