We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
