oh god the rape fog is back!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
