You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
