never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
