This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
