I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
