my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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