sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
