bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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