How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
