Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
