I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
