I'm drive I can fine osifer
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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