YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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