y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
