pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
