Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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