so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
