So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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