You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I want a musical about memes.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
