finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
