Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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