Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
