A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
