After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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