It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
