Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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