Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
