my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't deserve a penis
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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